Feminism is not just for women…
This one might be a controversial one.
But it is an IMPORTANT one…
I believe myself to be a feminist.
BUT in the sense of what feminism was designed to be… the promotion of equality.
Feminism seems to have gotten a bad reputation for men hating and for women thinking they’re better than men.
Oppression doesn’t solve oppression.
Oppression is not equality.
A lot of my work naturally attracts women because I’m working with boobs and vulvas and periods.
However - I’ve never (at least not intentionally) made it excluding of men… I’ve actually spoken quite a lot about how I believe that men, specifically, SHOULD be involved in this work - to give them a better understanding of how women work, how to support us in our bodies and with our fluctuating hormones, attempt to remove the orgasm gap…
But men need to be understood too.
Men also need support.
When men DON’T get the emotional support they need, the safe space to be themselves and to speak about what’s bothering them… when they DON’T have an understanding of not only the issues of women but the issues that they might face as men too…
That’s when there’s a risk of men becoming the versions of men that women, who claim to be feminists, say they don’t like.
Is it any surprise to you?
I’ve spent A LOT of my life hiding from myself. Suppressing my emotions and pretending to be okay when I really, REALLY wasn’t…
It fucking sucks.
Yet, you see it all of the time…
Men being told to man up.
Men being told not to cry.
Men being called a ‘pussy’ or ‘gay’ for expressing even a single ounce of emotion of creativity…
Women are JUST as much a part of this problem as men are.
#NotAllWomen
This isn’t to take away from the fact that SOME men do really harmful things to women.
I’ve experienced it.
I’ve been sexually assaulted.
I’ve been penetrated without consent.
I’ve almost had my ribs broken.
I’ve been leered at and taken advantage of.
I am VERY aware of the darker sides of this story.
But men also hurt each other.
And women also hurt men.
We can’t create a world that is built on a foundation of love and support and connection if we continue to segregate each other. Oppress each other. Hate each other.
I’ve worked in jobs where I’ve listened to the stories of broken men. Men who were abused in their childhood and I was the first person they’d ever disclosed that to… in their 70s! Men who didn’t leave their house because they’d lost their job and couldn’t provide for their family anymore. Men who turned to alcohol to hide the pain that they hadn’t been allowed to feel.
Men have TOLD me the pressure they face every single day to be ‘strong’… to earn the money (that they’ve never been taught to manage), to go to work and to provide and to not ever feel sad about anything because they’ve been taught that it makes them less of a man…
This certainly isn’t the feminism that I signed up for.
I LOVE the men in my life.
I’ve had some shit experiences, yes, but haven’t we all?!
I’ve ALSO had some incredibly deep and thought provoking conversations with some truly wonderful men. I’ve never met a man as kind and supportive as my Grandad. My Dad is the most generous man I know and would do anything for anybody. My partner is the only man I have been in a relationship with who has made me feel enough as who I am - in my absolute wholeness - and he is the most beautiful soul I have ever had the privilege to meet.
I have male friends who I’ve spent many long hours with out hiking and even just chatting in the gym jacuzzi about the deeper things in life.
I honestly don’t know where I’d be without the men in my life.
Growing up, I had more male friends than female. I got bullied by women. So men became my sanctuary - my safe space.
It’s not often that we speak about the safety of men. But I think it’s about time that we started to…
Men are not the problem.
The way we treat each other is.
