My Boobs, My Story

This week, my very own boob cast arrived on my doorstep…

You’ll probably already know that I work with Lydia Reeves to cast other people’s bodies for part of my work so I’m very well acquainted with boobs and body parts.

My boobs were actually moulded back in February to train up my INCREDIBLE assistant, Ellen, before we were unleashed on the rest of you.

So I literally can’t even tell you how excited I was knowing that these were MY very own boobs that were in this box!

I still haven’t shared my story of my relationship to my boobs and why this cast means so much to me.

Now I think it’s time…

My boobs have been the source of lust from guys and hatred from girls for as long as I can remember having them.

I can remember putting tissue in my teeny tiny bras before they started growing and I always used to tell my Grandma that I wanted boobies as big as hers were. Little did I know what that would come with…

I was measured to be a 32E for the bra I wore to prom at the age of 15 - which was also the last time I got measured for a bra (which is a WHOLE other blog post!) - so that gives you an idea of the size of my boobs in school.

Obviously this meant that they became very quickly over-sexualised by almost every boy I knew. Asking to see them, trying to touch them… I became a body instead of myself.

This made me very ‘popular’ in lots of ways but subsequently made me very unpopular with the majority of the girls and I had very few female friendships growing up.

I would have described myself as a ‘tomboy’ at the time - we definitely didn’t have the same gender related language as we do today - but I didn’t FEEL masculine, I just spent most of my time with boys because the girls didn’t like me.

Inevitably, I did show my boobs to someone and, as a result of my relatively big areola, was dubbed ‘burger nipples’ which is something that left me feeling insecure about my boobs for years to come…

So not only was I being over-sexualised on one side, I was then being bullied on the other. Having bigger boobs was definitely not living up to be as fun as I’d expected it to be…

People see me now getting naked regularly and think that I am confident in my body and who I am. I’d say they’re probably right because, at this point, I do things for myself instead of for anyone else’s benefit.

HOWEVER

That was not always the case…

I’ve spent most of my life trying to please other people and allowed myself to be taken advantage of in more ways than one.

I have had a love hate relationship with my body and the way that it has attracted attention but simultaneously made me the target of so much distaste.

I hated the way that nobody ever wanted to get to know me for who I was underneath my body. I hated that people judged me for the size of my boobs when there was nothing I could do about that. I hated that men seemed to use me as an object of their sexual affection but weren’t interested in who I was.

Yes, I also loved having a body that was admired and I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy the attention. I grew up learning how to use my body in my own favour to get what I wanted.

It’s only been in the last maybe three years that I finally started to have boundaries around my body and who I let have access to it. I started to realise my worth and I started to finally have some respect for myself.

So when my boobs arrived, I was overwhelmed with excitement but I was also a little bit nervous about how I’d feel about them…

Despite the fact that I passionately encourage everyone to love themselves exactly as they are, I still went straight to the parts of my cast that I knew I wouldn’t enjoy as much. The bump of my protruding chest bone, the size of my areola and the indent of my left nipple from a historical piercing…

But then I stopped and reminded myself of why I do what I do.

I REALLY looked at what I saw and I cried.

These are MY boobs!
And they are BEAUTIFUL!!!!

I wasn’t expecting to feel so overwhelmed by my own cast but if this is even half of the feeling that these beautiful pieces of art evoke in their owners then it only serves to reinforce how privileged I am to be a small part of this wonderful work.

So many people wrongly assume that everyone who comes to get cast is confident and happy in their body.

I’d say it’s mostly the opposite of that and so many people come because, for whatever reason, they haven’t always had a good relationship with their body and that’s something they want to change.

Some of the comments I regularly hear people make about their own body genuinely breaks my heart because I truly believe that EVERY single body is beautiful. Exactly as you are.

This is a healing process.
Even if you’re not expecting it to be…